We are not machines, however, you are a system before you understand you are anything at all. Consider the moment you learned science defined death. Everyone, I’m told, struggles with the inevitability of total systemic failure. The idea of being human is rooted in unspeakable misery. Conventional approaches to systems design take account of human factors in order to manage escalating brokenness. Studies are usually aimed at analyzing their long-term behavior in a steady state. Error is boundless. Some systems do not reach steady state, Some are never studied and do not reach a steady state.
They are insatiable. Each one is a fragment. Systems depend on other constituents to form a more competent, unified whole. Because you were born into this world, you are born as part of a whole. I am seriously incomplete. Years of expanding flesh has only diminished me. The numbers that overrun my page could lead to my obsolescence. There is an urgency to prepare for something. Thoughts which are dull and familiar.
Certain conditions are decided before a system exists. Balance is the natural objective of the universe. Since our function remains ambiguous, since my reality is separate from the lives you live, since every decision someone else makes changes my daily life, since most conversations appear to be talking about other data, since I always fail to communicate, since there is no common long-term behavior, maybe these constraints define us through our lifetime. Then again, we have our whole lives ahead of us.
I gave up my ideals. Some doors just slam shut. Nothing in my life will change. Like the reality that has its claws inside of me all the time. I don’t know how else to explain it. Humans are supposed to be derivatives of each other, yet I feel so far from you all. I’m always going to be behind. Everyone I know is willing to replace me.
ZNK 